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And how does that behaviour influence your actions?

You can't start to change your actions until you really see what is going on.

The truth is, our thoughts don't always determine our feelings (how often do we hear this idea! Actually, emotion has to be quicker than thought, because emotions have to do with our survival. Hypnosis is used to rehearse differently around them.

Close your eyes and use your imagination to strongly rehearse feeling and acting differently in situations where normally you'd feel insecure.

Close your eyes and imagine going back to those times as your current self with all you've learned since that time (even the things you've learned from this fear of rejection article).

Imagine reassuring that younger you: your present you calmly telling that younger self how everything's going to be okay.

I went to eight different schools in five years, rejection upon rejection.

You wrongly believe your partner is rejecting you; you become defensive, anxious, perhaps angry.If your perception is always so accurate, maybe you should get around to winning that lottery.Part of my therapy with Kelly was to make her If we feel that rejection will mean the 'end of the world' for us, then we will fear it all the more. But if you sit down and think: "Okay, if this relationship does end, how happens gives you huge amounts of confidence and makes it easier to finally switch off the old automatic rejection detector (which is faulty anyway).And this may be especially true when it comes to fear of rejection.Take Kelly; her fear was taking over her life and damaging her relationships."I was always the new kid, trying desperately to be accepted, to fit in!"Kelly was convinced that these early "outsider" experiences were at the root of her current problems: "I'm always looking for signs that my partner is about to reject me! I'm always seeking reassurance, always wondering what he really means."Seeking reassurance from other people is a dead end.Reassurance needs to be found from within you, not from others. Because look, word, or action from other people can be warped and wrongly interpreted as an upcoming rejection when it simply isn't.Or get a flavour of this now by clicking on this free audio session.People who never learn to question their assumptions (however emotionally clouded they were when they jumped at them) make life harder.We also fear, perhaps more than anything else, losing approval from others. In tribal times, being ejected from the safety of a group could have meant death. Fear should keep us alert and safe - like the beam from a lighthouse warning ships of submerged dangers.But too much fear, like a super-beam of light blinding the ship's captain, can cause the loss of the very thing we feared losing.Consider what people have rejected: If someone does 'reject' you, don't inevitably feel it's because you're 'unlovable' or 'destined to be alone' - because what they've done is give you very clear feedback about...themselves.Kelly grew beyond her old fear of rejection and is now happy to enjoy her present and let the future "do whatever it likes".This may sound strange, but it had a powerful impact on the way Kelly felt about those old school times and helped her 'move on' from them.Trying to think differently is a small part of actually changing. Hypnosis can work directly with how people feel when they experience situations and therefore bypass the impracticalities of trying to change someone's thought processes when they are highly emotional.

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Guys build up the occasion in their mind for days or weeks beforehand, only to be severely let down after the fact.