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Don't just assume I'm all in because I'm sex-positive, fat, and sometimes femme. As a plus size woman in Australia I found it difficult to meet Aussie men and ended up moving to Hollywood to dip my toe in the deep end of the dating pool. New Year’s Eve rolled around I was contemplating the coming year. I had to haul myself back on the dating horse and put a chubby leg over.I agree that you're attracted to what you're attracted to, but I don't think that gives you a right to be rude.Online dating is rough enough without some guy responding to a message by saying "hit the gym and then we'll talk" (totally true, totally happened to me.) These answers reinforced what I already knew to be true: We have to change the way we treat fat women.That said, it's hard to be objective when someone is explaining why you don't give them an erection.With that in mind, I asked a group of anonymous men who refuse to date fat women to try and explain their feelings to me.I don't know what the motivation is for guys who try to get me on their shoulders at concerts or attempt to lift me gently into bed.

And, just to be clear, the views of these men are not my views — or necessarily the views of Your Tango.Dudes tend to assume that I haven't dated a lot in my life -- or the opposite, that I'm always up for casual sex because I'm desperate for attention.They often come into a relationship believing that my past partners have been abusive or unfaithful, or that my current partner isn't interested in sex and that's why we're poly.If literally the only reason you are interested in me is because I'm fat, you might want to take a step back and get to know a bit about me first. When you tell me I'm not, what you are really saying is that despite my body size, I'm not all those horrible things you tend to associate with fatness.I don't mind if you tend to date fat girls, or really even if you get some specific pleasure from being with a fat woman -- but I don't need that to be the first thing you tell me about yourself. " It's announced as if it's supposed to reassure me that they aren't going to take one look at me naked and run, I think? Or maybe it's meant to suggest some kink; like to let me know that he wants to feed me cakes and watch me weigh myself? If you care more about my weight than I do, we're going to have a problem. "You're not the kind of lazy, stupid, disgusting, [insert sizeist insult here] slob who I expect fat people to be," is not a compliment.Add a few extra layers of fat to that experience, and things can get depressing real fast.As a non-single, fat, polyamorous woman, I can't tell you how often I've been questioned about my confidence, self-worth, who I am, and why I'm into what I'm into.Basically, that he's arrived to save me from my terrible, sad, fat life.I have experienced sexual assault and trauma in my life.There are several important attributes women look at before saying yes to a date, with physical attractiveness being one of them, and if you happen to have a strong, muscular physique, you’re exactly what they’re looking for (even if they tell you otherwise).A recent report published by The Guardian has found that women actually prefer stronger men, finding them generally more attractive compared to their less athletic peers. Taller and leaner folks scored better with women, but it turns out, it doesn’t even matter if you’re a little on the chunky side as long as you look strong.There are some places, some days, when I just don't want to interact with certain people or try to make my body fit into the world.Transit -- from buses and taxis all the way to airplanes -- can lead to downright hostile environments.Now that we got that way-too-technical disclaimer out of the way...Here's what they had to say: Why don't you date fat women?




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