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You can’t maintain 10 flirty friendships and expect to make space in your heart for one awesome husband or wife.

But you can start somewhere—slowly, and casually—and trust God to lead you into more. Go deeper with articles covering faith, culture, life, and more in each collectible issue of RELEVANT Magazine.

” Whether over coffee in my kitchen or on the hallowed ground of women’s small groups, I hear these murmurs constantly.This involves judging a potential guy or girl for the 38 qualities you are looking for in an ideal mate—before even grabbing coffee together. Sometimes the “hanging out” leads to hooking up, sans dating, which is another uber-confusing side effect of the Faux Christian Dating cycle. What if Christians just began to date like normal people—not dating toward immediate marriage and not eschewing dating for the less-desirable “hanging out” no man’s land?It’s like arranged marriages where no one is making the arrangements, and it doesn’t seem to work very well. Here’s what I think it would require: Stop evaluating whether the guy who’s taken an interest in you is strong and tenderhearted enough to raise your future kids.I don’t have first-hand knowledge, but thanks to reality TV, I believe it appears to involve asking the woman’s dad if she is available to date, and possibly not kissing until the actual wedding.Outside the Duggar-verse, there is the less overt but just as prevalent “ideal spouse” dating. Did she want my sweatshirt because she was cold, or because she likes me?I can’t say it clearly enough: Hanging out in groups will not be enough information to determine who is worth marrying.Everyone is different when you get them one-on-one.When we were still in college, my husband had 38 first job interviews before he landed a second one.He was horrible at interviews, but by the 38th one, he had learned how to engage with good questions, talk about himself an appropriate amount and gauge interest from himself and the interviewer.What if dating is about getting to know someone and gauging interest, not lifelong compatibility?The great thing about changing expectations is that it lowers the pressure on grabbing dinner together and figuring out if the two of you even like talking to one another!The following senior dating tips are guaranteed to start your night off on the right foot: Dear Fellas, Ax that comb-over! Yes, it was cool in 1988 – but if your hairstyle remembers the Communists ruling Russia, you need an update – something simple and straight without too many jagged edges. This also goes for a residence – if you think there’s the SLIGHTEST chance of bringing your date home, you best pick up the dirty socks and orange peels. If you were stuck in an elevator, would you pass out due to toxic cologne? Do a quick smell test – if you think you may be wearing too much perfume, you can try to wash some of it off, or e How recommends trying vinegar or olive oil on your skin. Contrary to popular belief, the older you get, the less make-up you should wear. You don’t want to wind up looking like Bette Davis in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? Check yourself in the mirror before heading out for the big night. You can use your debit card – BUT, make sure there’s money in your checking account!He didn’t get necessarily smarter–he got more experienced. Sometimes we all need a little practice with figuring out what we really want–not in terms of our “ideal spouse” but a real flesh-and-blood human.“Do you think Christian girls make dating too serious? “I need a buffer of at least five dates before I’m thinking of any future at all! What if you completely jettison the idea of finding your husband or wife via dating, at least for the first five dates?

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