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Every once in a while, I like to poll my readers on the Nerd Love Facebook Page and on Twitter to find out what issues they feel are holding them back when it comes to dating.

And the most common answer is: “I worry that I’m too fat to date.” I’ll be honest: I’m not surprised. According to the Center for Disease Control, 69% of adults 20 years old and over are overweight and 35% are considered obese.

If there's an attraction between us, you'll know it, and whatever desires that sparks, let's talk about them.

Don't just assume I'm all in because I'm sex-positive, fat, and sometimes femme.

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But being large and in charge doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a life of being forever alone; in fact, you may find that you have far more options for finding love, sex and happiness than you’d ever believe possible. There are plenty of notable examples out there if you look around. Seth Rogan is no Abercrombie and Fitch model but he’s also happily married.I love Netflix and whatever as much as the next girl, sure -- but I also love art galleries and movie theaters and poetry readings!And yes, I even enjoy going out for a good meal if you can manage not to make a big deal out of it.Large dudes will frequently lament that their size automatically disqualifies them from dating – they believe that there is simply no way a woman could possibly like somebody who’s body isn’t rippled and shiny like a buttered ear of corn. Kevin Smith, for all of his fashion sins that I will get into in a second, is happily married with a lovely wife and daughter. It’s easy to forget this when the TV and magazines are showing you nothing but image after image of cut, veiny men with swimmers builds with women draped all over them like fur stoles, but women actually like a far wider range of body types than we’d think.Ask five women what their ideal male build is and you’ll get six different answers.Transit -- from buses and taxis all the way to airplanes -- can lead to downright hostile environments.I'm not likely to fit on most of the rides at the amusement park and the thought of eating a meal sitting in a rickety plastic chair puts me on high alert.Are you trying to prove to me that I'm "not that heavy"? I enjoy sex, I love meeting new people, and I think there is an incredible power in making intimate connections.Or are you trying to prove to yourself how much of a manly man you are? I also enjoy boundaries and people who know what affirmative consent looks like.Check your own issues with fatness before telling me to check mine.I don't know what the motivation is for guys who try to get me on their shoulders at concerts or attempt to lift me gently into bed.They often come into a relationship believing that my past partners have been abusive or unfaithful, or that my current partner isn't interested in sex and that's why we're poly.Basically, that he's arrived to save me from my terrible, sad, fat life.Take, for example, this image from a feature in the UK periodical The Sun; they flipped the script by posing ordinary men in underwear ads a la David Beckham or Christiano Ronaldo: women prefer large and burly even when society insists that they only like guys who look like they’re 3% body fat.More importantly though, it’s important to remember that attraction is about more than just looks – it’s about personality, presence and what you bring to the table.




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