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For more specific details, see the articles in the Child Custody, Child Support & Visitation section of the Divorce & Family Law area of Nolo's website.If both of you are legal parents of the child—either because you are both biological parents, because you have jointly adopted your child, or because the nonbiological parent has been able to obtain a legally valid stepparent or second-parent adoption—your child-related disputes will normally be handled in the same way as if you were a divorcing married couple.The family law court will retain the right to modify this amount should parental incomes or the needs of the children change.The amount of child support awarded will depend on how much each parent makes and spends on housing, health care, and other necessary child-related expenses, including dental bills and private school tuition.Because the law does not fully recognize their relationship with the child, nonlegal parents rarely have any financial obligations to their partner’s children.And where a nonlegal parent offers to help support the children in exchange for visitation or custody rights, most courts say no.This means each parent has equal authority over the key decisions in the child’s life (such as education and medical care), as well as a legal obligation to care for and support the child.Physical custody (where the child lives) is typically shared, with the child spending some days or weeks with one parent and living with the other parent at other times.

We encourage you to learn what the court would likely order in your particular situation, so that you have an idea of where to start in the negotiation process.In other situations it will require counseling, therapy, or mediation.No matter how scary or messy breaking up can sometimes be, as long as you are each determined to avoid a contested court battle and willing to put your egos aside in an effort to work together in the best interests of your child, you should be able to work out even the toughest parenting issues.But, your ability to get along civilly—if not cheerfully—is the biggest gift you can give your children.Sometimes this can be accomplished through open discussions between the two of you.The legal standard the judge will always follow is the “best interests of the child.” In most states you can propose your own custody and visitation arrangements.If the judge believes these to be sensible (and especially if you both agree to follow them), the court will often approve your proposal.This is usually true even if the nonlegal parent has helped raise the child for many years and is a primary giver of care and emotional support.Fortunately, an increasing number of states are beginning to recognize the right of nonlegal parents to visit the children they have helped raise; Ohio, Virginia, and Wyoming allow “any interested person” to bring an action for visitation, and Arizona allows visitation to persons who act as parents to a child.If support isn’t paid voluntarily, the parent with custody or someone acting on the child’s behalf (such as the welfare department) can sue the noncustodial parent to obtain a court order setting the amount of child support the noncustodial parent must pay.If the father doesn’t pay, but has the ability to do so, the district attorney can prosecute him under criminal laws.In other states the court will award both parents “joint legal custody,” but stipulate that one parent will be the “primary physical custodian.” In still other states, it is far more common for the court to award one parent “primary physical custody,” while the other is given “reasonable rights of visitation.” But no matter what the legal description, the usual practical result is that the parent who isn’t the primary caretaker during the school week is granted liberal rights to spend weekends or other time with the child (called visitation) unless there is a strong reason why this would be detrimental to the child.For more details on child custody, see the article How Living Together Affects Custody of Children on this site.You may be required to attend mediation sessions or submit to an investigative process with county personnel.After listening to a county social worker’s report about each of your parenting abilities and home situations, the local family court judge will have great discretion to make child custody and visitation decisions.

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